【小小說】換燈管

廚房有一組燈,每次都會兩盞一起亮。不知道從什么時候開始,其中一盞出現了疲乏的狀態。最后終于滅了,好一段時間。

我不是不會換燈管,也不是不懂得要買哪一個型號的燈管。一開始,我一直都忘了要在下班回家的路上買燈管。忘記再忘記,久而久之看著剩下的一盞亮著,“不如不要換吧?反正還有一盞… …”

這是什么樣的心態?“在家里,那是爸爸哥哥做的工作。” 我想我是累了,不想那么獨立。開始在細細咀嚼,那是因為想家的關系,還是想結束一個人生活的日子。我想兩者交錯在一起,讓我連拉一張椅子,站在上面打開燈罩摘下舊燈管的力氣都沒有。

于是,我看著剩下的那一盞。看著看著,就看到自己剛來新加坡的那一晚。是月圓,從火車的窗戶看出去是柔美,也是微弱的。我不是后悔離開家里到外面生活,只是生命走到另一個階段就自有另一些事情需要去面對。不是嗎?

原來不換燈管只是出于情緒作祟,想活出生命中那么的一點點軟弱。

Michael Buble, “Home”

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
‘Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

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